he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
