we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
