Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
