Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
