I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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