just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
