why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
