I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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