I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
