Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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