how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
