dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
