I looked at my own cervix.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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