well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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