I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
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