I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
