I must be too annoying 4 u.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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