You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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