I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
