He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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