I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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