if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
