i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Im part way to drunk.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
