doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
