i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Randomize
