Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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