i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
