I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
