On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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