Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i drank out of a bidet.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
