It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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