stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
