this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
