plz talk dirty to me
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
