Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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