Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
