Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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