Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
The adults are the big ones right?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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