you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
