i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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