Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
