your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
