There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
