just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
