i need an iv and a liver transplant
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
