Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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