I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
