My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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