She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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