there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
